Dave-isms, Quotes from Dave Ramsey

 on paying of school loans
So old Sallie Mae just got her eviction notice!
So you kicked Sallie Mae to the curb!
Sallie Mae has her own bedroom!
Sallie Mae,  you are evicted. Get of this bedroom!
Old lady, put your stuff on the curb!

on not being out of debt and making dumb decisions, such as borrowing again
Murphy is going to move in with his three friends Broke, Dumb, and Stupid.
Murphy sometimes moves in right after you get gazelle intenese.

on not being in a hurry to pay of student loans
Some of you people have a loan you’ve kept  around so long you think it’s a pet!

on getting out of debt as fast as possible
You need gazelle intensity!
Yeah, you’ve to be serious and be selling so much stuff your kids think they are next!

on whether or not to form a partnership
The only ship that won’t sail is a partnership.

on mutual fund investments
You’ve to to study the track record, rate of return. It should have at least a 10-year history . . . because if it’s me, I want to know that this neighborhood is a good one if I’m buying a house in it.

on quitting your job to go into a little business you started
I’d get that boat a little closer to the dock before I step off.

on benefits that seem like a good idea but lock you in to a not-so-good plan
A benefit that traps you is “golden handcuffs.”

on the rise and fall of mutual fund investments
You don’t get hurt on a roller coaster unless you jump off.

on whether to invest 15 percent if you expecting a pension
Yes! invest even if you are getting pension, even if you’re expect Social Security benefits. Invest 15 percent of your gross income, because this is an investment you control, so the pension or benefits are gravy on the biscuit. The idea is that pensions and SS benefits are only as good as the company or the government.

on making plans for a next step in a business, in deciding when to buy/sell property
You’ve got some dominoes that have to fall in the correct order.
You’ve to be sure the dominoes are lined up correctly.

general comment after a Dave rant
Was I unclear?
I hope I wasn’t unclear.

on long-distance landlording
You’ve got to be able to check in on your property. You may end up with the guy changing the oli on his Harley in your living room.

on making it happen to earn income
You’ve gotta get up and leave the cave, kill something, and drag it home!

CDs = certificates of depression

SS = Social Insecurity

on how long to press on with a successful business where your participation is the reason for its success, considering how far to take before you sell it to retire,
Without you running it, will it lose its value?
Consider how long are you going to drive it. Are you going to drive it until you can’t drive any  more?
You don’t want to drive this horse until it’s dead!

on making plans, working toward a goal, seeing it happen
After a time, you start to put some clothes on the goal to make it come alive.

on stopping stupid behavior, such as accepting new credit card offers after a bankruptcy
Usually if I touch a hot stove I find out it’s freakin’ hot!

on how you can tell if credit card company (or collection agency) is lying
You can tell they are lying if their mouth is moving!

on credit cards
Discover = I Discovered Bondage
American Express = American Distress
MasterCard = the card that masters you

on planning which Roth to invest in when considering benefits of write offs for taxes, writing off now versus getting tax-free benefits later on
Don’t step over dollars to pick up nickels.

on how a wife can ask questions in the right spirit, not like a witch
You don’t want to seem like you are a test pilot in a broom factory.

on bad financial decisions
You don’t want to be . . .
I was . . .
stupid with zeroes on the end!

Gooberish: the state of acting like a goober.

on working paycheck to paycheck to pay off payments
You’re like a gerbil in a wheel—all you do is run!

on the view of your debt situation
The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t and oncoming train!

on acquiring sudden wealth without knowing how to handle it
It’s like giving 16-year-old a Ferrari. First you’ve got to drive around the cones in the parking lot. Then you move up to rural roads, then city streets, then the highway—all of this before you are ready to run that car around the race track.
So you have to learn about investments, real estate, insurance, etc. Park it until you have the knowledge.

on considering whether to quit job and go full time in self-employment option
Dig in deep, get some dirt under your fingernails as you look at it.

on attitudes toward getting out of debt
You choose to get out of debt, and so you amputate the Tahoe.

on communicating obvious answers to questions from callers, Twitter, fb
Here, let me help you with this: NO! or some other appropriate answer.

on doing everything it takes to get out of debt
You sell so much stuff the kids think they are next.
You put the dogs on eBay and the cat on Craigslist.

on which debt a person was most thrilled to rid of
Which debt is the one you just said, “I hate you people!”

on doing a really dumb thing while in the midst of FPU or trying to get out of debt in general, such as borrowing to purchase a vehicle and justifying it as an emergency or necessity
That would be stupid on steroids.

on carrying debt to a family member (to me, this applies to the lender as well as the borrower)
Thanksgiving just doesn’t taste as good.

not original with Dave: on having only and old car until you can pay cash for a newer vehicle
drive a hooptie

on how he considers the questions from callers
If I were in your shoes . . .
I’m going to pay this off first, do this thing first, do this next, etc.

on those who say they do not agree with the plan, the baby steps
They tell me, “But I don’t agree with your assumptions, Dave.” Well, you can just get up off your assumptions and do something!

on someone being critical of a parent helping out a diligent child (and spouse) by letting them stay at the house while finishing school to stay out of debt
First, it’s none of their business, is it!
Second, it’s a safety net, not a hammock.

on a grown child staying at home too long
An eagle that stays in the nest too long becomes a turkey.

on depleting the retirement nest egg, with money going to nursing home
What happens too often is that Papa cracks and scrambles the next egg, and Mama is left with nothing. Get nursing home insurance!

on living like no one else while getting out of debt
. . . on beans and rice, rice and beans.
. . . scorched earth

on not eating out
You’re not going to see the inside of a restaurant unless you’re working there!

on relying on Social Security benefits
You can’t rely on the government—a government that is well known for its ability to handle money!

on not planning for retirement
You’ll end up needing to buy 72 Ways to Prepare Alpo and Love It

on working at McDonald’s
I wouldn’t end up working at McDonald’s  unless it’s one I own in St. Thomas.

on the IRS
. . . the KGB . . . er, I mean the IRS

on people trying to guilt you about not helping them financially
She’s a travel agent for guilt.

on offering guidance to your parents
powdered but syndrome: We changed your diapers, we know a little something, and why do you think you know better? In talking with parents, you must be careful to let them see how you are succeeding, help them to see the why.